Tyler Perry on Oprah

Hey BNM,  most of you have probably already seen or heard about Tyler Perry’s big reveal to the big “O” last week, or at least caught the highlights.

This man, who has in many ways become the Steven Spielberg of the Black community, detailed to Oprah the molestation and beatings that plagued his childhood.

He talked about how the abuse led to his yearning for intimacy and the inability to cultivate a true relationship. Deepness!

Now many of our husbands/boyfriends may not have been molested or beaten as children, but this got me thinking about a man’s yearning for intimacy.

Many of our men were raised in the era of “men don’t cry,” “suck it up” and “be a strong man”  era.

This often leads to a stifling of true intimacy for men, and unrealistic expectations from women about male intimacy.

So, here are a few tips on getting him motivated to get a little closer with you:

• 1) Watch your tone.  Yes, men are just as sensitive as women are.
• Tyler Perry revealed during the “O” interview that men are just as vulnerable during intimate interactions as women are.  So don’t  scold your man when he’s not saying or doing exactly what you want.
• 2) Rewards are better than criticism. Rather than pointing out that he never holds your hand during a movie, lovingly grab his hand and reward him with a kiss when he reciprocates next time.
• 3) Walk the walk, and shut-up about it. Don’t tell your man you want to be intimate, show him.  If the kids are cramping your regular date night style — surprise him when the timing is right.

Just remember, neither of you were perfect on the day you got married.

And for many men the expectations of marriage today are not the same as they were back in the days — so, make up your own set of rules.

BNM, what do you think?

Cynthia Levy-Mendoza is a mom, writer, and contributor to the Brand New Mommy