Kindred The Family Soul ... Six Deep
Here’s the scenario.
The phone rings. I answer on speakerphone because one of the twins have removed the battery from the handset and lost it. On the other end is Karen Taylor Bass (my former publicist and “brand” new mommy) asking me to write what I am feeling right now for her blog.
So here goes.
Most people know I’ve got six children and my husband and I have built a successful career in the music industry as – Kindred The Family Soul. It’s fair to say I am a blog waiting to happen.
I often find myself walking the tight rope between two worlds of women: work and stay at home mamas. Both ladies have different philosophies and (might) compete with one another (why I don’t know) for some reason or another.
Both share the most important job there is (motherhood), and, yet every mother places so much weight and burden on themselves – totally unrealistic expectations for having it together?
As a career woman I am flexing my intellectual and creative muscles, which seems to go flabby when I am tending to my daily home responsibilities. When I’m home for long stretches, caring for my family requires so much of my emotional strength. I must say it has made me a better person. No matter what, I’m constantly striving to meet a goal – not just my personal standards but the guilt of trying to be supermom, which is quite frankly, turning me and all (moms) a bit C-R-A-Z-Y.
On a good day I feel unbelievably blessed that I have a successful career (I mean Kindred The Family Soul feed and support eight mouths everyday) and living my childhood dream. I work and appear to function like a stay-at-home mom; attend class trips, volunteer, and don’t need to send my toddler to daycare if I don’t want to. I feel that for the most part my children have the lion share of my attention; however, there are moments like today where the two worlds collide like a speeding freight train on the same track. As I write this blog I am nursing in the football position and allowing one twin to climb me like a jungle gym while the other begs for juice.
My love for my family and my work pushes me to have patience and get it done. After years of many scenarios of work and home life I have fought, learned and accepted the harsh reality — I have no cape, no boots, no mask … I am not Supermom.
What I do know is motherhood is all about survival. The word motherhood is a verb and not a state of being; political party; religion; or philosophy. Regardless, of where you conduct your business (home or office) — you will not be perfect. I will say it again – you will not be PERFECT so stop trying.
So, I will relax, give myself a break and continue to renew and rebrand my personhood. It will take a moment cause eventually the oldest twin will sleep next to me and I will (continue) to nurse her brother. Oh yeah … I will finish my blog, write a song, cook dinner and my second born will find the battery to the phone hidden in the closet (at least I hope).
Do you think Supermom is dead, or, are you faking the funk?
Check us out at Kindred The Family Soul.
So true Miss Aja. I had to realize that I was not supermom but a mere mortal with tons of flaws and standards. Black women must be true to thyself.
Although not a mother yet, Ms Graydon’s demonstration of balance is insightful. When my time comes I will not embrace the idea that I have to be PERFECT or Supermom, but embrace my child/family with all that I have. Thanks BrandNewMommy.
Hi Aja!
Thanks again Karen for an amazing post.
From the first time I encountered you, your humility and willingness to support others made such an impression. In your own “Perfect” way you have shared your gifts and with your husband allowed God to bless you with a beautiful fruitful family. How wonderful! So many times society values success, career, money, and education over motherhood. I am so inspired by you! Hoping to join you all one of these days as a Brand New Mommy when my time comes
Be Radiantly Beautiful…..
Yes, I retired my cape along time ago! Thank you!!!
Aja & The Brand New Mommy,
I think your post highlights the challenges of motherhood. Many balance all types of roles: business owner or exec, mom, wife, activity planner, completer of household chores, chef, etc. I realized when my daughter was three (about a year ago) that kids are happy being with you. Whether it’s at breakfast, running errands or going to a school activity. As moms we get hung up on having a “perfect moment.”
I shed the superowoman myth, but unfortunately,it still exist. Some moms want their kids to be accomplished as early as four years old. They overbook their children with language classes, dancing, and music instruments. These are all great activities if kids are having fun, not for playground bragging rights.
What’s changed from our moms’ generation is that many Dads today help out and are active in children’s lives. It also helps to surround ourselves with moms who remind us that we don’t need to do it all. Being a mom is very fulfilling, but the days of June Cleaver are dead. Our roles as moms are very impotant, but I believe, when we nurture our passions we become better mothers.
Funny, I was just having this discussion only an hour ago with my Life Coach. But, I think our generation has the ability to define our own version of motherhood.
Have discovered your webblog via bing the other day and absolutely enjoy it. Keep up the truly great work.
Chanelle,
Thanks for always being so radiantly beautiful.
Thank you for reading all about TBNM as you prepare for the ride. Enjoy your time and live.
Very inspiring to read about you living out your personal and professional dreams! So many women (and men!) feel they have to give up family for career and vice-versa, but that is not always the case. Thank you for reminding us that we can in fact, design our best lives with babies and booming careers in full swing!
Continued blessings to your tribe of 8!
Akilah, thank you for your support and love. #Supermom is DEAD!!
Well written, and very insightful. I come from a large family raised by a single mom, so I was aware early on that superwomen was dead. We do have alot of wonderful fathers who do magnificent jobs taking care of their responsibilty, what I also figured out early in life is that SUPERMAN was always a myth. The responsiblities we take on as a mother, wife, breadwinner, etc. etc. No man could ever understand, or do our jobs. Thank God for his Grace to get us through it.
Well, I wished I would have ran into this blog 5 years ago, five also representing the age of my oldest son! Now mother of two, I am constantly reminding myself to retire the
Cape – either that or crash into a wall while flying on empty! Although that’s easier said than done, if you, like myself have a personality type A, are a perfectionist and have a touch of OCD! I am beginning to realize that this road to perfection of motherhood only exists in my head and that if I don’t let go of it, then it will drive me crazy! So in the meantime the house doesn’t have to be spotless, I don’t have to prepare five star meals every night and maybe I do have some time to help my children develop their character! ,meanwhile enjoying life and my family – especially our children. My motto, Sow a seed with love and watch it grow happy and healthy! Thank you for this blog! Peace Mamas!
Kimberly, you are so correct – perfectionist will never happen. I have accepted that imperfection is the NEW black. Blessings!!
True words spoken. Thanks for ALL the music!!!!
Well spoken Aja… what you said was very inspirational. Im a wife,& mother of three and juggling a career and a household is very challenging.Your music got my husband and I through some hard times but we made it work & I thank you guys for that,it is a blessing that you have a wonderful husband to be there by your side through everything as I do.I know Fatim from high school and Im very proud of him,he has a wonderful wife & family.Keep doing what your doing.May God keep blessing you and your beautiful family.
Andrea, thank you for posting a comment. Blessings.